Matt LeBlanc Shocked By Physical Contact With Lapdancing Stripper

According to Page Six, Matt LeBlanc is making a truly bizarre confession in this week's National Enquirer—and we say "bizarre" not only because LeBlanc is cooperating with the tabloid, but because he makes the activities of a pretty standard lap dance sound as strange and unexpected ("Why does the naked lady keep pushing her boobs in my face???") as a baby elephant in a tutu beating him off in the champagne room:

LeBlanc tells the improbable tale of how he was mauled by the "sexually aggressive" stripper while partying at the nudie joint during a motorcycle trip with five buddies. "The stripper was all over me," LeBlanc claims. "I was drinking, and she was crossing the line . . . She was in my face, pushing her breasts into me and grabbing my hands to go all over her body. She was telling me to caress her and in my head I'm thinking, 'What's going on?' If I had been sober, perhaps I would have acted quicker, but I was pretty drunk . . . When I realized the situation that was unfolding I felt I was being careless and irresponsible, and I had to get the hell out of there . . . I could not wait to get home. The guys said a trap had been set for me and I fell right in it, and that's why I feel stupid and careless now."

It certainly feels as if a trap has been set. What kind of dirt must the Enquirer have on Joey to get him to play along with this (pretty harmless) story? It wasn't that long ago that LeBlanc had to publicly deny the same magazine's report that he had a soft spot for cruising around in a limo and picking up gay hustlers. Maybe they've got incriminating security camera footage of Dumbo administering that trunkjob.