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From the always reliable, frequently unsourced WENN newswire at IMDb, comes a perfect confection for this Friday afternoon:

Troubled actor Tom Sizemore is battling a rare medical condition that leaves him sexually insatiable. The Saving Private Ryan star was recently diagnosed with priapism, which doctors believe could have been caused by years of alcohol and drug abuse. Sizemore's manager says, "He can have sex nine times without stopping. His condition explains his sexual addiction. He's in the midst of a massive depression, but he's making tremendous progress." A Los Angeles based urologist confirms, "Priapism is an abnormal, persistent, and painful erection that won't go down in spite of orgasm, and can be caused by alcohol or drug abuse." Tucker claims Sizemore's addiction prompted the actor to rig video cameras up around his house, which for the past three years have documented his activities with a string of women he has lured back to his California pad. Three such tapes have been allegedly stolen and are expected to be released on the internet.

Perhaps our favorite part of this story (there are many, many to chose from) is the claim that Sizemore's addiction somehow caused him to ignore the crippling pain and anguish brought on by his permaboner and string up a series of hidden cameras. Apparently, nothing eases a priapic addict's agony better than beating off to images of himself screwing unsuspecting co-stars. Different strokes, and all that.

Also, credit must be granted for the manager's savvy plugging of Sizemore's staying power (nine times!), which should help move those "stolen" videos once they hit the market.