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Two days after the announcement of the abrupt end of Eminem's European tour, the reason for the cancellation has been upgraded from the classic "exhaustion" to "rehab for sleeping medication dependency." On the Publicist Excuse Matrix, "sleeping medication" (or any kind of relatively socially acceptable painkiller/prescription drug) usually equals "heroin," so interpret today's official statement accordingly.

Related: Gawker notices that Google News doesn't see color. If the world of hip-hop operated on the same principles, the climactic battle at the end of 8 Mile wouldn't have been nearly as charged.

UPDATE: The Detriot Free Press says it's Ambien addiction resulting from problems with insomnia. That's better than the generic "sleeping meds" reference, but to someone conditioned to be as reflexively skeptical as we are, the "inevitable effects of insomnia, which often include severe disorientation and loss of short-term memory" could also be caused by other fun substances one might put in one's body. We're just sayin'.