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Defamer's Special Liaison to Tom Cruise, high-powered Hollywood attorney Bert Fields, has once again delivered a nicely scanned missive on legal lettehead to our inbox. Since you already know what one of these looks like, we've simply excerpted the parts relevant to these clarifications desired by Team Cruise regarding the actor's onetime childhood Halloween costume:

The picture of the child dressed as a dancer is not Mr. Cruise. It's his sister Cass. At nine, he once put on the costume in the other picture for a Halloween party. He did not go around dressed as a girl as your report suggests. [...]

Without waiving any of Mr. Cruise's rights or remedies with respect to your conduct to date, I must ask that you immediate [sic] cease any publication of those photographs and retract the suggestion that he regularly dressed as a girl.

Very truly yours,

Bertram Fields

We think that this was the offending sentence from our previous post: "The mind boggles at how many tense sessions grabbing the e-meter it took to chase off whatever troublesome body thetans were responsible for this potentially embarrassing chapter in his life." Either Team Cruise didn't actually read what we'd written (this hurts our feelings and drives us straight to the bottle of Paxil), or has less than charitably interpreted the word "chapter" to suggest that he "regularly dressed as a girl," refusing to acknowledge that this "chapter" could've comprised a single preadolescent holiday—nay, a single party—spent in gender-inappropriate costume. Even though we never suggested an ongoing predilection for women's clothing on the part of Mr. Cruise, we retract, we retract, we retract. He wore the costume only once, and we refuse to allow for the possibility that he donned it previously for fitting purposes, even at the peril that it might make his ass look too big.