'People' Sells Itself to Jonathan Cheban
"I want you to want me." (Click to enlarge, see Paris Hilton's lazy eye.)

Well, it's official: People magazine has acknowledged the existence of Lean Cuisine scarfing publicist Jonathan Cheban, meaning that housewives across the land are slowly being defiled by images of various celebrities in Cheban's Clarendon t-shirts. And if that doesn't do it, surely the publicist's piercing, come-hither pose will destroy any remaining fragments of one's innocence. The article is an interminable two paragraphs, but we do have some favorite quotes from the man himself:

• "Isn't it so cute?"
• "I'm so excited!"
• "[We're] not something that's so last season!"

All of which were delivered in Cheban's signature, husky coo.

People [Article not online.]