• According to reports from the VMA clusterfuck in Miami, Jessica Simpson wouldn't touch or speak to her "husband" Nick Lachey when the cameras weren't watching. How long until they start awarding Emmys for reality television performances? [Lowdown]
• Meanwhile, 50 Cent and Diddy kept their VMA time kosher, requesting that there be no pork in the vicinity. [R&M]
• Lindsay Lohan attempts to make peace with the impressively veneered Hilary Duff, but gets hung up on by Duff's sister. Frail ass-kicking TK. [Scoop]
• Robert Downey, Jr. and his new bride, Susan Levin, continue their catfight with billionaire Ron Perelman and wife Ellen Barkin. Downey's released a statement explaining that Perelman was disinvited from Downey's wedding not because Perelman didn't want photos of his house being sold, but because Perelman and Barkin are bitches. [Page Six]

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