Your Bodies, Yourselves, Your Scary Magazine

You'd think we'd be the perfect audience for Seventeen's "Vagina 101" feature, being that half of us has absolutely no expertise on the matter and the other half patently refuses to sit on a toilet with a hand mirror and figure things out. But we're not. In fact, it just freaks us out.

With its "What's Normal and What's Not" and its "Owners Manual: Your Vulva Has a Lot of Parts — Check Out Where They Are and What They Do," the October issue of the teen stalwart is giving us a horrible flashback to middle-school health classes and the overwhelming fear that someone will imminently wheel in a TV and VCR to show us "The Miracle of Life," in which that skeevy tattooed couple lets PBS film their delivery.

All that said, "Anus: The opening of the rectum, where feces come out," is the single best service-journalism sentence we've ever read. The 2005 Ellie for personal service is officially now locked up.

The money shot, as it were, is after the jump.

Your Bodies, Yourselves, Your Scary Magazine

Seventeen [Article, sadly, not online.]