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• This might be the most inconsequential gossip item ever, but still one of our favorites. After hearing that model May Anderson supposedly hit on her ex, David Katzenberg, Marlboro woman Mary-Kate Olsen was on a street corner, screaming into her cellphone, "I'll kill that fucking slut!" Awesome: What we wouldn't pay to see MK get violent. It'd be like watching a rabid squirrel decimate an acorn. [Page Six]
• As part of the Scientology Disaster Relief Action Special Thetan Squad, actor John Travolta gave massages to hurricane victims. Strapping, young, masculine hurricane victims, no doubt. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Actress and Coldplay groupie Gwyneth Paltrow continues to ride her high horse all over the damn place, claiming that she keeps a log of paparazzi incidents because of the danger posed to her fruity daughter. [Page Six]
• Former Jane editor Jane Pratt tells The Daily that the "She's So Jane" campaign to for new EIC Brandon Holley definitely wasn't her idea. No shit. [Lowdown (2nd to last)]
• Roger Friedman finally gets to write Fabian Basabe's name in his column, dies of pervy happiness. [Fox411 (bottom)]