We were so busy practicing our new hip-hop vocabulary (note to self: "cheddar" is not cheese) that we had to catch up with the rest of Martha on TiVo. We shouldn't have watched it at all, because it broke our little hearts: We were promised Martha rapping, and we were promised Diddy wrapping. Neither was delivered.

Diddy did indeedy provide Martha some lessons on rapping. But then when the big moment came — after Martha had been taught the lingo, taught elucidation and personality, taught how to nod her head in time with the music — she froze. "OK, so, ready to rap?" she said. And diddy was. The music started, he started rapping, and Martha just stood there, mute as Brian Ellner's boyfriend. She did, however, move her shoulders quite nicely:

This image was lost some time after publication.

Next came the gift-wrapping segment of the program. We were expecting to see Diddy with scissors and scotch tape. But no. He was long gone by the time actually wrapping was done, replaced by some Asian chick from San Francisco who was apparently flown in just to wrap a present.

In fairness, Diddy did help Martha make homemade wrapping paper ("Your last name is Combs, so we'll use combs!"), and, at that point, he was entitled to be released for time served. (The Diddy-makes-wrapping-paper shot is after the jump.)

Any bets on how long the show lasts?

This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.

Martha Learns to Rap, Nation Learns to Avert Gaze
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