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Mark has gone on a trip. I'm not sure where to; he was rushed and breathless and I could only catch bits and pieces. Something about "Stockholm," "getting rid of the stranger between his legs once and for all," and "Juicy sweatsuits here he comes." Strangest of all, he left his itinerary behind and his return flight appears to have been ticketed to a "Maria Lisanti." Must have been a typo.

In any case, pay no attention to the large, Jewey name to the right of your monitor. Your Defamer services shall continue without interruption. Rest easy. You are in the hands of what many would consider a Hollywood 'triple threat': I'm gay, Jewish and Canadian. Homojewnadian. Genetically bred to excel at both making funny and doing lunch. Member of three separate and often warring media-controlling mafias (can you say 'awkward?'). Our symbol, pictured above, is a pink Star of David with a maple leaf in the middle. (We weren't bred for good taste.)

Now that I've officially outed myself to my parents, the INS, and those nice folks at the Sunday Scientology Brunch (say what you will they got the best lox in LA!), what say we get this thing started?