It's a big day for Today co-host Katie Couric, as she's the big fat feature in the latest issue of AARP magazine. (Unable to win the hearts of functional Americans, has she taken to endearing herself to helpless retirees?) And how, you may ask, does the psychotically perky Couric make herself relevant to the Early Bird Special crowd? By using the word "malarkey." And who the hell actually talks like that besides your grandpa?

Clearly, the woman does her research.

Whatever Katie Wants [AARP]

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