Robert Evans And The Dental Fountain Of Youth

A reader recounts a tense moment yesterday at the world-famous Mickey Fine pharmacy in Beverly Hills (motto: "Sedating Hollywood's Biggest Stars Since 1928"), when a frazzled assistant was confronted with the possibility that his employer's drug-store needs might go unfulfilled:

Waiting to get a prescription filled with my girlfriend at Mickey Fine pharmacy on Roxbury yesterday when a young man came in asking for Rembrandt anti-aging toothpaste. He became slightly agitated when he was told that Rembrandt had discontinued the line.....and the assistant said—I assume it was his assistant—"You don't tell Bob Evans that something is discontinued."

Gasp! You most certainly do not tell Robert Evans that something's been discontinued and force the aging onetime superproducer to confront his own mortality. Brett Ratner once tried to tell him that the escort service discontinued its Naughty French Maid line, and the enraged mentor made his hacky acolyte wear nothing but a white lace apron and fishnet stockings while paddling Evans's meticulously tanned hindquarters with a metal spatula for five uninterrupted hours. That day, Ratner learned that nothing's ever really discontinued for someone with the right stuff to succeed in this town.