Many readers wrote in to protest that we had not devoted enough attention to yesterday's remaindered Anderson Cooper essay on gray hair. In our defense, it's from August of 2003. Though the fact that it was originally published in Details did pique our interest. When we checked our vast glossy back-issue library, we found the original, pre-CNN version of the essay. Excerpts are presented here:
-I still refuse to admit I'm gay.
-In the TV news business, gay equals gravitas. In fact, in just about any line of work being prematurely gay is an advantage.
-I don't get it, but gay on guys drives a lot of folks wild.
-Translation: Gay is nature's way of whispering "You're dying."
-The other thing that happens when you start getting gay: You begin checking out every other gay-haired guy.
-This can deteriorate into something of an obsession. For a while, every time I saw Phil Donahue, I had to reassure myself: It's okay. I'm not as gay as he is.
-My advice? Give in to gay.
Ah, find/replace. The parodist's greatest friend.