This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.


Determining that nine months of strapping pillows of increasing size to Katie Holmes' abdomen was ultimately more trouble than it was worth, Tom Cruise and his virgin bride-to-be decided to accelerate the process of their sham parenthood, paying $2 million in cash on the spot to take home this 10 year-old boy from a local soccer game. A jubilant press release announcing this miraculous addition to the family is expected early Tuesday.