Katie Holmes' Parents Upset About The Miracle Baby

Katie Holmes' Catholic family is predictably disturbed by their future son-in-law's surprise premarital implantation of the Miracle Baby in their daughter's womb. Also, they're none too thrilled about the whole swapping-Jesus-for-L.Ron-Hubbard thing:

“[Martin Holmes] was very upset and got into a real spat with Katie,” the forthcoming issue of Life & Style Weekly quotes “a close friend” of Cruise as saying. “Tom had promised her parents that they would do the right thing and get married before any baby came along.” After scolding his daughter, according to the mag, Martin Holmes berated Cruise by declaring “You’re no good.”

“He said he and his wife were very upset by the news,” according to the source, “and demanded the pair get married quickly.” [...]

“It seemed like Katie was being controlled by Scientologists,” the friend told L&S. “Now they wonder if it’s a Rosemary’s Baby situation, where Katie is being groomed to provide Tom with a child.”

That Rosemary's Baby dig is completely unfair. Have we all forgotten the you can't have Scientology without "science"? It's probably more accurate to look at Katie Holmes' uterus as a highly-advanced Scientology fertility lab rather than some kind of infernal incubator.