David Copperfield Steals Secrets Of Magical Pregnancy!

We think that it will become painfully obvious where we're going with this one:

David Copperfield says he plans to impregnate a girl on stage - without even touching her.

Speaking to German magazine Galore, the illusionist rejected the theory that there were only seven different kinds of magic tricks.

He said: "Bull s**t! There is a great deal of new territory to conquer. In my next show I'm going to make a girl pregnant on stage."

He added: "Naturally it will be without sex. Everyone will be happy about it, but I'm not telling you any more."

Copperfield's already said too much! Once Tom Cruise discovers that someone's broken into his safe at the Celebrity Centre and stolen the scroll containing the secrets of magical impregnation, his revenge will be swift and ruthless. We figure that Copperfield's got about a twenty minute head start to flee the country and escape the bloody reprisal. He can still lead a satisfying life pulling takas out of street urchins' ears in a remote village in Bangladesh. Flee, magic man, flee!