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• Despite the public denials and a recent Italian vacation courtesy of OK! magazine, Jackass Bam Margera confirms Nick and Jessica's split to Us Weekly, Nick hits Vegas, and Jessica spends their third wedding anniversary in Nairobi. At this point, we think it's safe to say that this marriage is floating face-down in the bathtub of love. [Page Six]
• Biographer Andrew Morton — who's covered Princess Di, Madonna, and Monica Lewinsky — has set his sights on Tom Cruise for a book coming out through St. Martin's Press next fall. That is, if he doesn't wind up in a cement block far beneath the Scientology Celebrity Center first. [R&M]
• Tina Brown and Harold Evans host the party for Shopgirl at their 57th Street dungeon. We presume there was no ping-ponging for Claire Danes. [Lowdown (2nd to last)]
• Only dark, moody Irish gangsters can save NBC's Jeff Zucker. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton insists that she didn't fuck violent actor Tom Sizemore. She made love, you heathens. [Scoop]