Defamer Connections: Desperately Seeking Desperate U2 Fans

Defamer is committed to helping cash-strapped, female U2 fans connect with the sensitive, anonymous Craigslist posters looking to test the limits of both their self-esteem and their devotion to their favorite band:

FREE U2 FLOOR seat for 11/1, Staples Center
I’ve got an extra floor seat for the u2 concert at the staples center on 11/1 and would like to take a lovely lady, preferably a dedicated u2 fan with real body parts. Send me a photo, explain to me why you’re not just a pretty face, and why you like U2. Your cheat sheet (after all, you have to determine if you can stand an evening with me): Not a big oily bo-hunk manchild, I’m better suited for the sophisticate crowd who appreciates wicked intelligence, a great sense of humor, and kind eyes. I speak 2.5 languages, am very kind to small animals, and appreciate all things 80’s (save the mullets).

Remember, lovely ladies, that these are floor seats. If you loved Bono enough, you'd be calling your surgeon to ask if it's possible to temporarily remove those unattractive fake body parts long enough to appease the non-oily un-bo-hunk-manchild whose boss decided he didn't need those U2 tickets after all.