Jessica Simpson Needs Therapy To Deal With Stress Of Pretending To Be Happily Married

The Jessica Simpson Spin Machine has once again lurched to life, belching out yet another story about the stability of her marriage to Nick Lachey. In fact, Simpson now claims that the stress of the constant speculation about her relationship has driven her into therapy:

Jessica Simpson says the relentless gossip about her marriage to Nick Lachey drove her to visit a therapist.

"Yes I have," the singer-actress tells Teen People in its December-January issue, on newsstands Friday. "I respect knowledge of the psyche. I would be a therapist if I weren't an entertainer." [...]

"Hopefully mine and Nick's story will continue for the rest of our lives, like what we vowed, through sickness and in health."

Upon uttering those final, fatally insincere words, Simpson's head exploded, unable to contain the immense force of the cognitive dissonance built up from months of defending her long-dead love for Lachey while simultaneously daydreaming about the filthy move Johnny Knoxville taught her in his trailer on The Dukes of Hazzard.