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• Yes, we are painfully aware that bits and pieces of Kevin Federline's ear-slicing new album have infected the internet. We're also aware that he raps with a sibilant "s" sound, but we think that just adds to the je ne sais quoi of his musical abortion. [Stereogum]
• You may have missed your chance to sleep with Elvis, but there's still a huge window on humping the dude who slept with a girl who slept with a '70s child actor who slept with Ann-Margret who slept with Elvis. [Craigslist]
• Proving that it is the ultimate in frat-boy evil, email newsletter Thrillist gives all lazy men the key to maintaining their relationships while secretly being a dick. [Thrillist]
• As if a rapist fireman-impersonator weren't bad enough, NYC now has a fake David Cross slumming the streets in search of tail! [The Apiary]
• Local political nutcase Chris X. Brodeur receives much-needed downtime in jail. [Gothamist]
• Hart+Larsson is hiring Kate Moss, and only Kate Moss. [Hart+Larsson via AdRants]
• Google continues to take over the world — but we'll be damned if we let those boy geniuses near our TiVo. [BigShinyThing]