Ashlee Simpson: I Am Me, And Me Is Wasted, Terrorizing A McDonald's

Ba da ba ba baaa...we're lovin' it! By now, we assume you've seen the video of shitfaced fast-food enthusiast Ashlee Simpson terrorizing the clientele and staff of a Toronto McDonald's (hard to see, but Egotastic's version is easier).

Even by public celebrity meltdown standards, this one's a plum:

· After several loud complaints from Simpson about the service, an irritated employee says, "I need a manager up front, please!" Ashlee then begins to climb over the sacred service counter (have you ever?), shouting, "Please get the manager, I would love to talk to the manager!"
· When the employee tells her to get down, Simpson says, "Bitch, stop talking to me! I'm nice!"

· Ashlee then engages employee in an 'I know you are but what am I'-style debate about whether or not the M.I.A. manager will "be nice" to her. So certain is she of said manager's impending kindness, she offers to bet employee "5 million dollars that he will be nice" to her. Employee, working at a Canadian McDonald's and not having a #1 record at the moment, passes.
· "No. I will not take a picture with you," Simpson slurs to a fan. "You would not kiss my foot. So fuck you!"

We have a couple of theories about what's going on here. One involves complex daddy-daughter issues resulting in an accute symptomatic fear of success. The other is purely cynical: Ashlee, in a bold attempt at roughing up her teeny-bop image (sadly, unlike bombshell big sis Jessica, Johnny Knoxville wouldn't touch her with Bam's dick and Steve-O pushing), was merely trying to emulate the 'fast-food, fast-livin' lifestyle of Courtney Love, seen here doing her uncanny impression of a soda-dispenser at Wendy's.

Kinda makes you wanna la la, doesn't it?