The always-reliable National Enquirer reports on the maddeningly vague "improper conduct" firing of Desperate Housewives actor Page Kennedy, a.k.a. The Guy Under The Mysterious Black Neighbors’ Stairs. And our earlier guess notwithstanding, it seems that Teri Hatcher's bagel did not figure in the abrupt dismissal:
The first incident allegedly happened when a young female assistant was sent to summon him for a scene. A set insider said: "He opened his door and was standing there with his private parts hanging out of his shorts. Kennedy then allegedly made a sexually charged remark. A few days later, on October 28, Kennedy allegedly flashed to a female assistant director.
"She cursed at Page and reported it to the main producers," said the source. "After word got out, the first girl admitted the same thing had happened to her. After an investigation Page was fired."
Another source said: "People are mad because it took nearly a week to fire the guy. But the stars aren't cut up over him leaving."
We know we keep harping on the creepy, gay-seeming pharmacist thing, but would anyone be surprised if the character starts going door to door on Wisteria Lane, playing a game of Flash-and-Dash (or, if you prefer, Junk-and-Run) with the other Housewives? When you're in the midst of second season slump, you can't afford to let a ripped-from-the-headlines jewel like this go unexploited.