Lindsay Lohan Ready For First Doomed Marriage

Lindsay Lohan may have decided the time has come to put down the mirror and cleverly fashioned dollar-straw and settle down for her first marriage, finding her Mr. Temporarily-Forever in the blank-faced, boylicious embrace of current beau, Jared Leto:

She s crazy about Jared, a friend told Life & Style Weekly. She says it would be great to run away, get married barefoot on the beach and shock everybody.

Another pal says that Lindsay says she has met the man of her dreams, and adds that Leto has encouraged her to eat healthy foods, which has helped her bring back her curvy figure. But friends are reportedly telling Lohan to take it slowly with Leto, a notorious ladies man who has dated Cameron Diaz, Scarlett Johansson and Ashley Olsen.

Lohan s eagerness to wed is supposedly not just because of her fondness for Leto but also because of her ire at Paris Hilton. She s angry at Paris for hooking up with Mary-Kate Olsen s ex, Stavros Niarchos, says the friend. Olsen and Lohan are buddies. Catching a husband would be a poke in Paris eye.

As Lohan enacts the various phases of her all-consuming (and, some might say, completely nonsensical) Machiavellian Paris revenge fantasy, we imagine Leto remains blissfully ignorant of his lover's ulterior motives. Besides, who has room left over for things like doubt and suspicion when 98% of your conscious hours are filled with the stinging regret of bad career choices? Playing a lovelorn gay-in-a-toga who spouts lines like "You're everything I care for and by the sweet breath of Aphrodite I'm so jealous of losing you to this world you want so badly" ain't exactly a rocket ride to the peak of A-list Mountain, after all.