It's time for the latest installment of Blue States Lose, where we sort through the galleries of fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel (NEW!) so you don't have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday. Enjoy.
It was a meta kind of week in the Blue States Lose world. First, Last Night's Party gave us some sort of shout-out that we can't quite figure out, then we return home yesterday afternoon to spot a Cobrasnake tag outside our apartment building. The End of Days is nigh, but before the Earth caves in on itself, enjoy the Don'ts, courtesy of Joey Arak.
10) Ambrel. Andy Warhol AIDS Benefit Party photo #0021: Part of us is like, "Whoa, dude. Showing up to the big, fancy Manhattan party in a plain T, jeans and some black Chucks, and just planting your ass on the floor? Just like going to ska shows back in high school! Awesome!" Then the other part of us is like, "Whoa, dude. Showing up to the big, fancy Manhattan party in a plain T, jeans and some black Chucks, and just planting your ass on the floor? Just like going to ska shows in high school? Yikes!"
9) Last Night's Party. Factory photo #5319: Back on the site where this little column used to live, one of the oft-repeated questions we asked was, "Do these people — these portraits of utter fabulousness — change outfits and apply the freakish paint jobs when they get to the parties and clubs, or do they actually hop in a cab looking like that?" Well finally (finally!) we have our answer. And wow. Just, wow. Let's do the math: Cab drivers are Muslim, as are the suicide bombers who kill us. Any connection? Can we can blame Misshapes for 9/11?
8) Misshapes. November 5, 2005 photo #097: Is this supposed to show how tough you are? That even though you jammed your finger by pushing the play button on your iPod too hard, it hasn't impaired your ability to smoke and dispense icy stares? This will really serve as an inspiration to all those Katrina victims that they, too, can rebuild after such tragedy. Who knew that guardian angels came wrapped in black? God bless you.
7) The Cobrasnake. Rags and Riches photo #7564: He graduated second in his class at the College of Williamsburg in '04 (magna cum laude). Sadly, he lost a few points right at the end for what the teacher called "over-obvious ironic T-shirt statements" and "excess carefree facial animation." A 3.8 ain't bad, though.
5) Last Night's Party. Awards Night photo #5461: Holy fuck! We always wondered what it would take to get a picture of either Leotard Fantastik, Princess Coldstare or That Other Guy smiling, but all three? This sight is more rare than a Fader party without free Sparks. Who knew that all it would take was a bullshit ceremony featuring made-up awards put on by an irrelevant magazine that attempts to capture the "culture" of an incredibly annoying and miniscule subset of fuckheads, all of whom already hang out together on what seems like a nightly basis? Ah, now that's more like it. We were seriously getting worried that the false airs of disaffected youth were taking the night off. Thankfully, the "Pout!" alarm was sounded.
4) Misshapes. November 5, 2005 photo #027: Ever since Kate Moss ushered in the era of Heroin Chic, douchebags everywhere have wondered, "What's next?" But in their wildest homosexual imaginations, could anyone have guessed Natasha Lyonne's Mugshot? Yes. Chloe Sevingy's stand-in did. And she had someone punch her in the face with crack pipes for that extra authentic look.
3) Last Night's Party. Awards Night photo #5584: It hurts our feelings to say this, it really does, but the truth hurts sometimes. Do you think that if e-mail and the Internet existed in the '60s and '70s, and we sent the link to this photo to the parents of everyone involved on the "special night," do you think there'd be one future father in the lot who wouldn't immediately plop off his wife and say, "Wait wait wait. Let me grab one of them condom things?" Of course not. Now they're just stuck rolling in their graves.
2) Misshapes. November 5, 2005 photo #020: Purple is a precious color associated with regal luxury because, whilst fairly abundant in nature, purple was for many millennia a difficult color to produce in paint or dye. The first purple pigment was Tyrian purple, a dyestuff produced by the Phoenicians in the city of Tyre. This was around 2000 years ago, I think (will check — further info welcomed). Tyre was the great port of Phoenicia, (modern Lebanon) a trading nation with outposts all across the known world. Tyrian purple was produced from the shells of the concholepas mollusk "Chanque," and their purple pigment was a highly prized export. The dye gave a rich and deep purple that was highly prized — and highly priced! In medieval times, purple was a color reserved for the powerful and wealthy: kings, queens and bishops wore a lot of purple, whilst commoners had to make do with grey and brown. Purple pigment was still made from mollusk shells, and mixing purple paint required the artist or dyer to obtain vermillion (red) and ultramarine (blue) — which were also rare and very expensive. So purple was reserved for the powerful. Now, on the other hand, it's reserved for fucktards who think dressing up like Prince is the most clever thing ever, think mullets are still hilarious, and think their ironic moustaches (or moustache fragments) are amazing. What the fuck happened, purple? That really must bum you out.
1) The Cobrasnake. Valley of Doom photo #9373: We're not sure what you could possibly say or add to this to make it more special than it already is, so here's a random thought: What about the others? What about this kid and that kid and the other kid? They're at the party, too, and they're giving it 100%, but it's like, game over, you know? Where do they go from here? The Army?