Brett Ratner To Photograph Flaming Pile Of Expensive Shoes

Page Six prepares the world of fashion for an upcoming, inevitably over-budget photoshoot featuring Hollywood's most respected fauxteur:

WE HEAR...THAT Jimmy Choo president Tamara Mellon hand-picked film director Brett Ratner to photograph Nicole Richie and actor Shawn Hatosy for her latest campaign.

The visionary Ratner plans to douse both Richie on Hatosy in gasoline, set them ablaze, and have them repeatedly crash into each other until one of them explodes. The images, of course, will be stunning, with the resulting pile of smoldering Choos creating a biting commentary on the emptiness of luxury consumerism. You will be moved.