The Lindsay Lohan Story

We're not much ones for the email forwards, but the one we're about to discuss is so new, so damn detailed, that we're inclined to indulge ourselves and reprint the whole thing for your pleasure. Of course, it helps that the subject is Lindsay Lohan.

In brief: just for the hell of it, an otherwise-ordinary civilian named Jason Lewis learns that Lindsay Lohan is staying at the Soho Grand, where he happens to be drinking at the bar. Being a prankster, Lewis leaves his name, a message and a number for Lohan. Lohan, thinking the Jason Lewis who has left word is the same Jason Lewis of Sex and the City fame, returned the call. And so a week of thrilling text messaging begins, culiminating in a climactic resolution at — where else? — Bungalow 8.

There are a few things we find hard to believe. First of all, the civilian Jason Lewis claims to have just asked to be connected to Lohan's room — does she actually register her rooms under her real name? Doubtful. Secondly, he refers to Kittichai as a "new" SoHo "hotspot," so we have to wonder if the guy has any idea what he's talking about. But, in his defense, he admits to having no knowledge of pop culture, so we'll go easy on him.

At any rate, if the following is story is true, we'd have to nominate Jason Lewis for the Congressional Medal of Tomfoolery. After the jump, the full email.

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From: Jason Lewis
Sent: Monday, November 14, 2005 6:19 PM
Subject: The Lohan Story...

For those of you who have been following along the past 10 days....Here it is, in as full detail as I can recall, the entire Lindsay Lohan story, from start to finish.....

Wednesday, November 2: 9pm

After dinner at Kittichai (a new SoHo hotspot) with a recruit (who has since accepted her offer), we decide to take her for a drink to the Soho Grand before calling it a night. Upon a potential celebrity sighting in the lobby of the hotel, we proceed to the bar area and are seated by a hostess. We overhear conversation that Lindsay Lohan is in fact staying at the hotel that night.

9:30- After a drink and still discussing the fact that Ms. Lohan might be a guest in the hotel, I pick up my cell phone and call the Soho Grand main phone line. I ask to be connected to Lindsay's room. After a brief hesitation, the operator puts me through. 4 rings, then voicemail.

"Hi Lindsay, its Jason Lewis. I am in the lobby of the SoHo Grand with some people, thought it would be nice to meet up for a drink. Why don't you head downstairs if you're free, should be a fun time. If not, give me a call, my cell number is ...."

We laugh it off. Maybe if she's there (not likely) and gets the message (even less likely) she would be intrigued enough to come downstairs for a drink. After all, she is an avid follower of the [redacted] industry and should immediately know who I am from the message, right??....Either that, or she may think I was the actor on Sex and the City....you know that guy who seeing Samantha in the final season and just so happens to share the same name as me...
The phone battery dies that night. No message the next day.

Friday, November 4th: 3:31AM

Peacefully sleeping before a normal Friday workday, my cell phone rings and wakes me up:

JL: "Hello..."
??: "Um, hi, is this Jason?"
JL: (still fast asleep) "Yes...who is this?"
??: "Oh my god, its 330, I am so sorry! What is wrong with me? You are sleeping, I just woke you up..."
JL: "I'm sorry, who is this?"
??: "It's Lindsay..."
JL: (no Lindsay coming to mind at this hour) "Wait, who is this?"
??: "Oh, its Lindsay Lohan...you left me a message here in my room last night. How did you know I was staying here?"
JL: "It's a long story...you should have come down for a drink, it was fun... we should meet up for a drink soon..."
??: "Well, I am leaving tomorrow for LA....is this your cell phone number? Can I call you next week when I am back in NY?"
JL: "Yes....enjoy LA"
??: "Thanks....and I am sooo sorry I woke you up! I should have realized!!!"
JL: "Its ok....good night..."
In my sleep, I check the call log. I notice the call came from a 'Restricted Call' at 3:31am. However, at 3:30am a call was missed from a 310 (LA) phone number.....could this be her cell phone?

Friday November 4th: 10PM

At a close friend's rehearsal dinner for his wedding the next day, I share the story with some of my college friends....already the story of the week, with potential for story of the year status if this continues. One friend gives me the idea to send a text message to that phone number...

After some creative thought, I send the following.... 'Thanks for the wake up call last night. Can I get one tomorrow at 6am? I need to get to the airport. Thanks. You are better than an alarm clock.'
One hour later I get sent back:

'Are you coming to LA tonight? I'm so sorry again hunny!!! I didn't realize what time it was! It was 330...6am I cant do.'

From me about one hour later:
'No. Picking up from LA...wedding on long island tomorrow night'

From her, 20 mins later:
'Hahahah. I am from Long Island. Where abouts on Long Island'

From me:
'Lawrence...I think. Is that near your old spot? Should I stop by your family and say hello? Maybe bring cookies?'

...my pop culture ignorance should be showing here as I was later informed that her family isnt exactly a good conversation item....needless to say, the text messaging stopped there. ...Until....

Wednesday November 9: 12:38am

'How was the wedding doll?'

I am woken up again....and respond that night, but turn off my phone immediately after so as to not lose another night's sleep over this.

'you missed a fun time... how is LA? Coming back to NY?'

I wake up the next morning to find:
'I'm in Thursday early morning'

By the middle of the next day, the 10 person strategy team had been assembled to handle all ongoing communications. It was determined we will wait until that night and then send a text back:

'I think we learned your definition of early morning and mine are quite different....hunny.'

Thursday November 10: 4:30 pm

Another text from her:
'I am in nycccccccc'

The strategy team meets and it is determined we will wait 24 hours before responding, with the outside chance she makes another late night phone call as I'm told younger girls are always likely to do.

Friday November 11: 1:30pm

At lunch, we send this text back-
'Nice...had a benefit last night. You owe me a phone call...doll'

Immediate response:
'Do I? Am I in trouble? Uh oh.....'

We wait until 7pm to write back:
'You will be in trouble if you call me again at 4am....'

Regular Friday night...out with some friends for dinner and then a drink at an apartment. 11:45pm another text is received: 'Come to bungalow?'

In a matter of minutes, the group heads westward in 2 cabs. Original plan is to get into a nearby a lounge and then attempt to establish contact. I send one more text 'In the area. Are you there?'
The plan falls through, as apparently it is tough to get 7 guys into any trendy place in the Chelsea area....who knew?

We begin walking towards Bungalow 8, knowing entrance would not be likely...we get to the front of the velvet rope. The doormen are screaming to 50 or so people out front, "No one is getting in tonight! The door is closed! Unless you are here for the private dolce and gabanna party, you are not getting in!"

At this point, another text comes through—
'Yes. Come here. Stefano dolce's bday'.

I turn to my friend and say, 'Dude, this might really be Lindsay Lohan who has been texting me all week...'

Simply mentioning the party was not enough to gain entrance. I had to play my one card...'Sir, I didn't want to say this out loud but I am meeting Lindsay Lohan inside.' He looks at me (like I had 3 eyes) and says, 'Whats your name again?'. I tell him and he disappears in the club. 5 mins later he appears. He opens the velvet rope and lets me and my friend inside.

Apparently we pass Nicky Hilton right as we enter (although this is still unconfirmed). We walk in the middle of the place...trendy people everywhere. I turn my head to the left, and there staring me in the face is none other than Lindsay Lohan... Apparently not as big a fan of the [redacted] industry as we were hoping as she takes no notice while we walk past...

To her left a tall guy in a suit with an earpiece and at her side a woman assistant. She's rolling about 10 deep at her table. Everyone is sitting down, but she is the only one standing up...feverishly smoking a cigarette, talking to no one.

The only way to play it cool at this point is to casually slip to the back of the bar, have a couple of drinks and wait a good hour or so before figuring out the best method to approach.

I go to check my coat. My friend's cell phone rings...its our other friends who are hanging outside the club.... 'Yo, you guys are in trouble, the girl we thought was Nicky Hilton just came outside and asked the doormen if they let Jason Lewis, a tall blond guy, in the club. They say they did, but he wasn't blond...but that they let in two shorter brown haired guys....'

What was to be a long clock consuming drive, immediately became a two minute drill with no timeouts left....at Vinny Testaverde at the helm. Within 1 minute the doorman who let us in finds us at the coat check and yells 'Jason! I need you!'. I grab my friend and say 'come with me...this is going down and it doesn't look good....'
The doorman marches me up to Lindsay's table. Her security guy and assistant approach. The doorman yells "Does she know him?!?! Does she know him?!?!' Security guy looks at the assistant, assistant looks at Lohan, and Lohan gives a quick wave of her arms..... Lindsay then grabs me, gives me a huge hug and tells me she has been waiting all night for me......

Every part of this story is true....except for the last part.... She actually waved us off like she was declining a holding penalty....the bouncer immediately escorts us out of the Bungalow.

I send 2 more text messages:
'So this is how it ends? Too bad your guy in the suit and your girl thought I was a threat because right now we'd be having a drink and a laugh. You know you are laughing over this right now.'
'Thanks for making my week. You wont have to worry about any issues from me. Be in touch if you want to meet some 'regular' people...'

And as you can guess...no response.

And so the Lindsay Lohan story comes to a crashing halt....for now.
In the end, we learned, 1) Yes, it was her all along....2) maybe she's not as ready to get married as some recent articles suggest...3) she's just a regular 19-year old girl after all...
I take pride in the fact that I didn't lie or misrepresent myself at any instance during this 10 day story.....I was perfectly honest about everything.....Hope you enjoyed the read...

-'The Real' Jason Lewis