Bored Rich: Kimberly Stewart Pretends To Be Engaged To Laguna Beach Guy

As mentioned in an earlier post, and as reported today by every news outlet on Earth including a gatefold three-color spread in The Vatican Dispatch, Kimberly Stewart and Laguna Beach's Talan Torriero announced their engagement last night at an Xbox launch party, with Stewart gleefully using her (self-financed?) 5-carat ring to take the eye out of anyone who didn't manage to run away screaming in time.

Stewart, the 26-year-old daughter of singer Rod Stewart, and Torriero, 19, are engaged, People magazine reported Thursday. Torriero s spokesman, Jack Ketsoyan, confirmed the couple s plans to the magazine.


Stewart also confirmed the engagement to Us Weekly, saying, We re getting married. [...]

Torriero, who stars on the MTV high school reality show, has said he s attempting to start a music career.

Our hearts are on fire with happiness for the couple, who in what seems like mere days, but in actuality has been entire weeks, have shared both good times (free Xboxs!) and bad (car accidents!), and who finally have decided to take that huge step. We shall check our inbox daily for our invitations to what will no doubt be the event of next year, replete with 8-tiered cake fashioned entirely from the finest Bolivian cocaine and eggwhites, and guests greeted with a welcoming, "Which side are you here for? Transparent career opportunism or soul-numbing spoiled girl boredom?" at the door.