No, Really, This TIme It's For Real: Nick And Jessica Split

The Nick and Jessica Thanksgiving Special is tinged with sadness this year, as the couple has finally succumbed to the incredible stress of pretending to be married for the sake of their careers and admitted their separation to Us Weekly. The end of the Nick and Jessica Era sounds like this:

'After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways,' the couple tells Us in an exclusive joint statement. 'This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time.'

We'd like to thank the former couple for the savvy timing of the announcement. Nothing goes better with turkey and stuffing than a freshly shaken bleach martini.