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Hey, remember when awards like the Grammys used to, like, matter? Us neither, but we're sure that at some point they must've, right?! Maybe in an era before inexpicably named bands like Maroon 5 and SugarLand, both of which are nominated for awards this year, perfectly exemplifying why the Grammy lacks any sort of prestige. And, to make matters worse, Mariah Carey's garnered nominations all over the place, which only encourages her to continue making offensive fashion choices. (To wit, she's on the Today show right now, discussing wardrobe malfunctions. Seriously.)

On the bright side, Gay crankypants Dave LaChapelle has been selected as the ceremony's "official artist." So maybe we'll get to see Jessica Simpson to mud-wrestle Ashlee after all.