Johnny Depp, Media Consumer

Fiercely protective papa bear Johnny Depp recently went on record to let the paparazzi know exactly what cannibalistic fate awaits them should they attempt to photograph his children:

I don t care if they take my photograph. I don t care if they take Vanessa s [Paradis, his wife] photograph; we re adults, the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory star told Loaded magazine. But when they start taking photos of my kids and putting them in their magazines, that I can t support. ...[J]ust make sure that you re really far away because if I m able to get my hands on you I ll swallow your nose. I d bite your nose off and swallow it.

To illustrate just how serious he was, Depp then gestured to daughter Lily-Rose to put down her paper dolls and join him in the foyer with the reporter. "Ask her a question," he insisted. After much nervous laughter and polite declination, the reporter quietly cleared her throat and asked, "Do you love your papa?" Depp instantly upended the table, pounced on the journalist, and sank his razor-sharp teeth into her face, gorging on her tender, fresh flesh, while screaming between bites, "Vampires! You are all vampires! Lily-Rose is strictly off limits! I eat you! I eat you right back!"