Inside The Bulge, Part III: Supermanhood Returns

Always reliable British tabloid The Sun reports that the new Superman's Package of Steel is presenting problems for Warner Bros. execs and might be exposed to the withering effects of digital Kryptonite:

NEW Superman Brandon Routh is giving movie chiefs a mighty headache — with his supersize LUNCHBOX.

Hollywood executives have ordered the makers of Superman Returns to cover up the rookie actor’s blockbuster bulge.

An insider said last night: “It’s a major issue for the studio. Brandon is extremely well endowed and they don’t want it up on the big screen. We may be forced to erase his package with digital effects.”

Beyond the usual skepticism we feel any time we can imagine a publicist giggling through a "Oh, yeah...the thing is soooo huge, every time he comes out of wardrobe half a dozen nuns' hearts explode from embarrassment! What are nuns doing on the set? Gotta run!" conversation with an eager gossip stringer, this "report" seems to contradict an early September Newsweek article in which the production's codpiece technicians promised carefully calibrated, kid-safe superjunk. So even if Routh's er, lunchbox [Ed.note—Check British-slang-to-English dictionary and figure out exactly how filthy that is.] was somewhat larger than sartorially convenient, any competent on-set package-wrangler could solve the problem with little more than a roll of duct-tape and some elbow grease.