Women's Wear Daily reports today that newsstand sales for People, Us Weekly, In Touch and Star are all down in the fourth quarter. Oh, the horror! Why, God, why?
It's not unusual for magazines sold at checkout to experience a slowdown toward the end of the year, as holiday merchandise takes over front-end retail space. But category insiders see additional factors at work here, including overcrowding (three new magazines have entered the field in the past 13 months) and reader fatigue.
Emphasis ours, because holy shit what is your PROBLEM?! Oh, are you TIRED of reading about Jessica Simpson and Brangelina? Are you also a gigantic pussy? Well, suck it up, bitches. After the apocalypse scorches the earth and destroys life as we know it, these glossy weeklies will the the only things that survive.