Gawker Stalker Anticipates Mike Myers' Meltdown

Blogger The Apiary has compiled the latest sightings of Mike Myers sent into our New York City-mouse cousin Gawker. Myers, we recently noted, has announced the unfortunate end of his seemingly happy marriage. While his publicist's statement revealed very little about what went down, the Gawker Stalker story, told from several strangers' corroborative eyes, gives us a fuller picture of a man in a state of ever-deepening despair:

October 26th, 2005

Saw Mike Myers walking with head down, looking normal but self-conscious, on Bleecker and Bank Street.

November 22, 2005

Spotted a disheveled, bloated Mike Myers today (11/19) passing by the MoMa design store in Soho with a gay artiste-type friend. Couldn't decide if the companion was more Karl Lagerfeld or Andy Warhol but he definitely upped the hip factor of homeless-looking Austin Powers.

December 12th, 2005

Last night outside Webster Hall at around 7:30, Mike Myers of SNL/Shrek fame stumbled past us, then proceeded to stumble up 11th street toward 4th Avenue, lingering on the block while looking terrible and talking on a cell phone. Perhaps he was practicing for his upcoming role as Keith Moon, but the man looked as bad as its possible to look, and after about 20 minutes of awkwardly bumping into walls and such, hopefully found his way somewhere safe.

Sadly, there's nothing funny about a broken heart. Not even a strategically placed privates-obscuring zucchini and pair of oranges could lighten our mood knowing Mr. Myers is bumming so.