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Let's clear up this whole Hanukkah business before more space is wasted in a major daily. (For crissakes, two-year olds are getting drunk on Long Island way before the summer rental season and that shit doesn't report itself!) Helen Kennedy of the NY Daily News tries to wrap her hands around the ball of candle wax that is the sticky mystery of Hanukkah's accepted spelling. Variations offered are:

Channuka, Channukah, Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanuko, Hannuka, Hannukah, Hanuka, Hanika, Hanukah, Hanukka, Hanukkah, Kanukkah, Khannuka, Khannukah, Khanuka, Khanukah, Khanukkah and Khanike. Sometimes even Xanuka.

Apparently the problem, besides the obvious Hawaiian Jew theme, stems from the transliteration to English from a five-letter Hebrew word meaning "consecration." We're quibbling over a transliteration?? Folks, there are major religious concepts based on translations from Hebrew to Greek to Latin to English and if you've ever seen a movie with sub-titles than you know just how botched this stuff can get.

I say forget all this nonsense, kick back with some chocolate coins, and get drunk like you're two years old.

BTW, I'm calling bluff on any use of "Xanuka" since it more resembles the name of a Thai hooker. (Hey, don't look at me. Ask Jeff Koyen.)

Chanukah... Hannuka... Hahfuhgedit! [NY Daily News]