Lindsay Lohan Paparazzo Found Not Guilty Of Trying To Make Her Hit Him

In the beginning, God made Lindsay Lohan the Actress, and He saw it, and it was good. Well, it was decent and could carry a Disney remake. But then the Actress begat the Party Girl, which in turn begat the paparazzi-demolishing Truckasaurus we now think of at the mere mention of her name. If we could, we'd like to take you back for a moment, to the primordial stirrings of the event that started it all, as there has been a major development in the case:

"Based upon the damage sustained to both the victim's and the suspect's cars it appears that, although the suspect was most likely driving carelessly when he collided with the victim's car, it was not an intentional assault," Los Angeles Deputy District Attorney William Hodgman said regarding the allegation that photog Galo Cesar Ramirez had deliberately plowed his minivan into Lohan's car.

Fret not, Lindsay. This one may have slipped away, but we promise you, the next paparazzi you ram your Mercedes into at full speed will not walk. Literally. Severe spinal cord trauma is funny that way.