Kate Middleton is likely to be the first member of the British Royal Family since 1649 to be executed by beheading in the wake of public outcry after she was photographed twirling her hair and smiling at the national Remembrance Sunday ceremony in London.
Remembrance Sunday, observed to honor Britain's war dead on the Sunday closest to Armistice Day, is marked by the royal family with a public wreath-laying, moment of silence, and veterans' parade. However, if this year's pictures and media coverage are any indication, it happened to overlap with Remembrance of Kate's Hair Sunday, a roaming holiday on which Britain honors Kate's hair—its past, current, and future styles, as well as those styles that have been compromised or lost due to wind.
Public opinion of the photos (which, it must be said, forever immortalize actions that likely took place in the span of one or two seconds) has been fiercely divided, with some pleading for fellow humans to LEAVE KATE ALONE, others arguing that a grown-ass woman should know better than to fiddle with her hair at a public memorial service, and others not caring because they are so self-righteously serious that they could not possibly stoop to have an opinion on a matter such as this.
Before making up your own mind, we encourage you to take a look at this frame-by-frame breakdown of the twirl that shocked the world:
Phase 1: Tactile Reconnaissance
A somber show pony, Kate Middleton reaches up to touch her mane and, instead of encountering the delicate hair spiral she was expecting, finds her fingers brushing against a matted wad of lifeless straw someone found in a dumpster on the beach and spilled soda on. She isolates the offending hunk for further repairs.
Note: At this point, Kate Middleton could probably still have dropped the hair without incurring the wrath of The People.
Phase 2: Preliminary Maneuvers
Kate Middleton begins twirling her hair. She thinks of the fallen servicemen and women who gave their lives to the country she will one day co-rule, kind of, in an entirely ceremonial capacity.
She thinks of her ongoing feud with the god Aeolus, keeper of the winds, who sought to ruin her hair on this day.
She thinks of that twisty pasta that reminds her of her hair.
Phase 3: Teen on a Second Date at the Mall
She thinks does she want Orange Julius or Sbarro?
She thinks, "What if my closet was just a Hollister and I could have all the clothes I wanted and I didn't even have to pay for them because it's my closet?"
She thinks about the cell phone in her panda purse, but she knows it's just for emergencies. She thinks that this date is not as much fun as she thought it would be. She thinks that maybe, if she's really, really bored, that could be construed as some sort of minor emergency.
Phase 4: Checking On That Curl She Just Fixed
It's fine, Kate. It's fine. You fixed it.
[Images via Getty]