Jonathan Cheban, Flack of All Trades

Behold publicist Jonathan Cheban in his latest incarnation: Access Hollywood correspondent! Congrats on the new gig, good lad, but what about your old job as Lizzie Grubman's partner?

Oh, that's right — Cheban's a hardcore multitasker, so he's still maintaining his position with the Grubster. Interestingly enough, that position recently involved being the publicist for two major New Year's Eve parties: Mariah Carey's ass-shaking shindig here at Cipriani, and Lohan's barely-legal bash at Prive in Miami.

In a shocking — shocking — turn of events, we hear Cheban the Publicist tried to limit coverage of both events to Access Hollywood, so as to help Cheban the Correspondent score a nice exclusive at the clubs. While New York media ultimately strong-armed its way into Mariah's night at Cipriani, Cheban managed a media shut-out at Prive, barring any of Access' competitors and giving himself the "exclusive" on Lohan's big New Year's Eve party.

We won't go into the journalistic ethics of all this, seeing as we hardly consider Access and its ilk to be much more than publicist-flavored Froot Loops. But, in terms of pure flackery, limiting media access to an event isn't exactly the best PR work for Cheban's clients. And when the clients are pissed, the Grubman is pissed. She's already roused from her slumber, lumbering her way to the wheel of her SUV. And we all know what happens next, right?