Lindsay Lohan Finally Winds Up On The Pole

Lindsay Lohan is a true master of her craft. A lesser attention whore tabloid victim would've called it a night after showing up at a bar with last year's most celebrated cokehead, Kate Moss, and scrawling a nasty message equating rival Scarlett Johansson with a part of the female anatomy (or, in perhaps a worse sin, pandering to Brit BFF Moss by appropriating some slang). But not our Lindsay, who made her Sharpie wall-poetry merely the first act of her evening. Says Page Six:

Lohan, Moss and a couple of female friends swanned into the Upper East Side mammary mecca at about 2:45 a.m. and headed straight for the legendary Champagne Room, where the giggly group ordered round after round of vodka shots, raspberry Kamikazes and beer.


Their table was immediately swarmed by strippers and Lohan and Moss enjoyed numerous lap dances. But the fun really started when Moss jumped on the stage nearest the main bar and began grinding against a pole, much to the delight of hundreds of red-blooded banker types.

"Kate was going wild," a witness told us. "After a few songs, Lindsay jumped on stage with her. They were swinging on the pole with their arms around each other's waists, kissing each other, caressing each other, just acting like strippers. The crowd was cheering them on the whole time. They didn't take off any clothes, but it was very hot." [...]

"They were both running in and out of the ladies' room a lot," [paparazzo] Edstrom recalled. "I saw when it was just Lindsay dancing solo and Kate was yelling, 'You're a pro, Lindsay! You should do this for a living!'

Credit Moss with being a great friend; it's not easy to sound sweetly positive about the seemingly inevitable downward trajectory of your starlet pal's career. But this news does seem to present another opportunity for Lohan's brilliant publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnick, to shine. We expect her to dismiss out of hand the easy, hacky "no comment" or outright denial options, and instead weave a fantastic tale about how during Lohan's troublingly recent hospital stay in Miami, she received a massive, mistaken transfusion of stripper blood, and clearly can't be held accountable for her actions while her body adjusts.