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• Best. Headline. Ever: "Hilton Publicists Fight Paris Peeing Claims." Do you even need the accompanying story? Oh, hell yes, you do. A Maui taxi driver claims that heiress was so drunk she pissed herself in the cab, creating a mess the driver was then forced to mop up with a towel. Of course, he has the towel and plans to using her DNA to prove his claim. We can't wait 'til we have the chance to buy that very towel on eBay. [WENN]
• Meg Ryan adopts a Chinese baby, names him Naddox, and hopes for a career miracle. [IMDb]
• Desperate to be remembered for something more than "Hey Ma," rapper Cam'ron releases an eight minute dis on Def Jam chair and professional Hova Jay-Z. [R&M]
• Sony Corp. chief Sir Howard Stringer tells bad jokes; Lloyd Grove dutifully transcribes. [Lowdown]
• Chef Rocco DiSpirito isn't gay. He just hangs with lap-dancing trannies. [Page Six]