In case you missed it, Lifetime (television for women and their friends who love campy shit) aired a brand new version of V.C. Andrews' incest classic Flowers in the Attic on Saturday. Its ridiculous plot, which finds a group of four young siblings imprisoned in their grandparents' attic because their grandfather can't know about them because their mother married her half-uncle and their mother is trying to win back the love of her father so she can inherit his fortune, was delivered ridiculously. (Spoiler alert: The imprisoned brother and sister end up fucking, so that kind of thing runs in the family.)

Heather Graham played the mother (of teenagers, so that's where her career is). About 75 percent of the time, she didn't bother to do much more than recite the words on the paper. Ellen Burstyn, an Oscar-winning actress, over-acted every over-written line she was given. She's such a brilliant performer that she had to know what she was doing. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone involved did. This was perfectly god-awful. A sequel is in the works. Can't wait.

Graham's crazy eyes are above, Burstyn's scenery chewing is below.