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The very small type in our Filofax — yes, we're that old-fashioned — tells us that today is Australia Day.

We know we spend our Independence Days barbecuing at a backyard in Cobble Hill, our Bastille Days enjoying drag queens and steaks frites at Florent, and our St. Patrick's Days as far as possible from Fifth Avenue. But having rarely been south of the Mason-Dixon line, let alone the equator, we have no idea how to celebrate today's momentous occasion. So we asked Daily News Gatecrasher Ben Widdicombe, Gawker's go-to guy on all things Aussie, for guidance. He was not particularly helpful:

"Crunk" is not really an Australian word, but it captures the spirit of the day.

We're hoping Benjy might provide more detailed guidance. In the meantime, we hope you'll join us in getting crunked, as the kids say, in honor of Widdicombe, Post editor Col Allan, and, of course, King Rupert Murdoch.

Or, you know, don't. 'Cause they're just a bunch of convicts, anyway.

Autralia: A Different Light []