Today marks the first day of our favorite elitist ritual, New York Fashion Week — meaning that it's a big, skinny Christmas in Bryant Park right now! If you're not one of the chosen fags and accompanying hags cruising the tents with an invite, however, the Wall Street Journal reports that you're kind of screwed: security knows your type, and they know you only want to go to Marc Jacobs and Tuleh because you want to smell Bee Schaffer's hair.

So how best to get in and look like you belong there? It's simple: Style your self-loathing so that it's altogether imperceptible, wear your hunger on your sleeve, and make sure everyone can see you're carrying a $2000 bag full of blow.

If all else fails, you can just take a piece of Fashion Week home with you and abduct yourself a 14-year-old model — the poor thing is so confused already (Where am I? This isn't Dubrovnik!), she'll hardly put up a fight.

Some Stylish Advice for Crashers: Beware the Fashion Police [WSJ]

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