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• If Madonna wants to open the Grammys, she's going to open the Grammys — even if it means bumping Mariah Carey out of the slot. If these two were to actually brawl it out, the sheer bitchitude of their contact would make the recording industry spontaneously combust. [R&M]
• Paris Hilton impersonator Natalie Reid is so much like the real thing, she even worked as an $800/hr escort. [Page Six]
• Ivanka Trump splits with socialite Bingo Gubelman, citing irreconciable name choices. [Lowdown]
• Ashlee Simpson insists her father's not a control freak — he even lets her shower and shit all by herself. [IOL]
• David Burke tortures Fashion Week models by offering them all sorts of tasty snacks. The cruelty of Bryant Park knows no bounds. [Page Six]