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Each time Paris Hilton's Crazy Parade takes another lap around Hollywood, we discover a new, exquisitely designed float. Today's rolling exhibit is topped by a statute of Lady Justice fashioned from hot pink flowers, exposing not only her traditionally uncovered bosom, but scandalously drawing aside her robe to give onlookers an eyeful of her exposed ladyflower. Thanks to Hilton, float sponsor Valtrex can now add "threatening to have social acquaintances killed" to fun activities one can once again enjoy when relieved of herpes symptoms by their medicine, as today Paris was slapped with a restraining order at the behest of an "event producer" who'd run afoul of the heiress:

In September 2004, [event producer Brian] Quintana said he became friends with Stavros Niarchos, and later became his "PR rep." He introduced Niarchos to Hilton, and they started dating.

Quintana, 37, testified his relationship with Hilton changed in November when "Paris accused me of planting unfavorable stories toward her in the press."

Hilton shoved him in the chest, he said.

Quintana testified that Hilton interrupted a conversation he was having with Niarchos — initially out of her earshot — about a call he had received from the tabloid Star Magazine.

"I wanted to make sure that he was aware that she might have herpes," Quintana said on the stand. Outside of court, Quintana's attorney Richard Sherman said they had no specific knowledge about any medical condition Hilton may have.

Quintana testified that if a story had been published, Hilton would have threatened him. In December, Quintana said he got a phone call from Hilton, who was in Hawaii. She allegedly said, "I'm going to put a contract out on you."

Fortunately for all involved, Hilton probably became distracted by a hunt for Hawaii-based paparazzi before following through on the hit, and Quintana lived long enough to file the court papers resulting in today's landmark decision in the annals of celebutante jurisprudence. But according to the report on the judgment, "because Quintana and Hilton sometimes attend the same events, it likely will not be a standard 100-yard stay-away order," leaving us to fear that even our legal system is powerless to stop Hilton from fully actualizing her God-given fame-whoring abilities.