Tom Sizemore Falls Off The Crystal Wagon

As celebrity relationships continue to crumble around us, one of Hollywood's sturdier love affairs that of Tom Sizemore and his heart-quickening, tooth-loosening mistress, crystal methamphetamine continues its tango of reckless passion:

A judge on Thursday sentenced Tom Sizemore to three years probation after the actor tearfully admitted he used methamphetamine last month. [...]

The judge's sentence included a 90-day stay at a drug treatment program. Sizemore also must submit to weekly drug tests the entire probationary term, said court spokesman Allan Parachini.

Sizemore's probation was revoked in July after he admitted using a prosthetic device to fake a drug test and failing to be checked for drugs every three days. A judge reinstated probation in October after concluding Sizemore had begun to make "remarkable" progress in his battle with drugs.

Sizemore then tested positive for drugs Jan. 23.

Unlike fellow recovering meth-head Jodie Sweetin's intervention by the cast of Full House, Sizemore sadly does not have a support network of co-stars to rescue him from the sweet, tweaky clutches of the glassy-eyed monkey on his back. To think, all of this might have been avoided if only Vin Diesel, Adam Goldberg and Giovanni Ribisi (Tom Hanks is too big for this shit) had reunited for one final mission of heroic salvation Saving Tom Sizemore and rescued their former screen Sergeant from the evil, Nazi-like clutches of his chemical habit.