The Official Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes Break-Up Denial

The denial about today's Life & Style story on the split of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, as expected, was swift:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE STATEMENT REGARDING TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES AND LIFE & STYLE MAGAZINE Los Angeles, CA (February 14, 2006) - In reference to a forthcoming cover story in the tabloid magazine Life & Style about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, it should be known that the story is 100% false. Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes are still engaged and are moving forward with their wedding plans, as well as planning for the arrival of their child. Despite the malicious fallacies put forth by Life & Style magazine, the couple is looking forward to a long and happy life together as a family.

In a situation like this, we find ourselves choosing between the unconvincing object and an unreliable force. But with a big denial on the record, we must all content ourselves with the maddening holding pattern of obsessive bump photography, psychoanalysis of lonely coffee runs, and the occasional, vague tabloid report that they've finally set a wedding date.

And we're a little sad to temporarily shelve crazy rumor Aftermath Scenario I (even though the expected denial did arrive right on cue); we believe in our heart of hearts that Cruise would have his best people inseminate Charlize Theron with some absolutely stunning offspring.