Kid Rock Sex Tape Video Temporarily Shelved

We're relieved to see that proper celebrity sex tape protocol is being followed in the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp double-barrelled blowjob video situation, wherein the offending, contraband footage is shadily obtained by a mysterious "third party," teased with a preview clip on the internet, and then quickly suppressed by one of the famous parties' legal team. Rock's lawyers performed an incredibly valuable public service yesterday by obtaining a temporary order to stop the sale or distribution of the video, a crucial first step towards ensuring that none of us ever get to see Rock and frequently leather-panted former Creed singer Stapp being blown by a small team of strippers in a mobile home. It's bad enough that curiosity got the better of us and we submitted ourselves to the profound psychic scarring [SPOILER ALERT: Just stop reading here, you'll thank us later] of watching one of the girls kiss Stapp's nipple and hearing him arrogantly proclaim "It's good to be the king," a moment of sexual ruination arguably surpassed only by Fred Durst's infamous exhortation to his sex-tape partner to "touch my balls and my ass."

Thank you, Team Kid Rock, for saving us from ourselves.