Gawker's (Borrowed) Index: How Does Donny Deutsch Love Himself?

Copyranter Mark Duffy, arguably the angriest living boy in New York, happened across insufferable adman Donny Deutsch's new column in Jason Binn's equally insufferable Gotham magazine. Deutsch, Binn, Gotham: They're all things we do our best to avoid, and so we owe great thanks to 'Ranter Duffy, who took a good luck at Deutsch's first effort — it's called, theoretically cleverly, "Deutsch Mark" — and crunched the numbers that remind us why we engage in that avoidance:

In the March issue of Gotham, Douche interviews Billy Joel. The first 2 words of the article? "For me..." Total Words from Joel: 82. Total Words Douche talks directly about himself: 194. Total Words plugging his Talk Show: 50. Times he writes "I" or "me": 18. Times he calls Joel a "Brand": 1. Total Words in article: 435. Times I said "Douche" while reading the article: 1,038.

In a 435-word piece, 194 words about the author himself? To be honest, we're a little envious.

Donnie Deutsch Mark! [Copyranter]