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Quite frankly, we're a little paralyzed by all of the post-Oscar nonsense we need to cover (the epic hangover isn't helping things, either), but we figured That Thing On Charlize Theron's Shoulder is a pretty good place to start. As Jon Stewart mentioned early on in the ceremony, a "return to glamour" was a running theme of the night, but the folks at Dior decided that they needed to supplement Theron's otherwise classic gown with a bow twice the size of the actress's head, the formal-wear equivalent of a pirate's parrot perched on her delicate shoulder. Thankfully, Theron left the diamond-encrusted eyepatch from Harry Winston's in the limo, sparing us all further embarrassment.

[Photos: Getty Images]