• Bruce Willis, who seems to think he's an expert on everything these days, likens the Colombian drug trade to terrorism. Put your nose where your mouth is, homeboy. [Scoop]
• Uma Thurman and petit hotelier Andre Balazs have parted ways; no more free rooms at the Mercer for her, we're afraid. Like she cares. [Page Six]
• In a display at their Barneys boutique, stationery company Mrs. John L. Strong is showing off actual stationery from A-list clients, including the addresses of Ann Curry, Lauren DuPont, and the Osbournes. Money can't buy class, but it can sell you out. [Lowdown]
• A Boston restuarant refuses to serve alcohol to teen actress Amanda Bynes. Poor Bynes; if only she had remembered to wear her Lohan costume, she could've gotten suitably wasted. [Page Six]
• Now that Millenium owns Reebok Sports Club/NY, only the prettiest employees are visible to customers. It ensures better weight loss results, really. [R&M]

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